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akinmytua2:

dailymanners:

When borrowing something from someone, always return it in the same condition, or in better condition, than when it was lent to you. If any damages happen to it while it’s in your possession, offer to make it up to them in some way either by fixing it yourself, paying to have it fixed, or buying them a new one.

Even if you didn’t damage it intentionally or the damage happened via an accident, when you are borrowing someone from someone you still have responsibility over it, and therefor should still own up to it and offer to fix it / pay for repair / buy them a new one.

Besides, people are more likely to trust you and want to lend things to you again if you’re known for returning borrowed things in the same, or even better condition as they were when lent to you. If, however, you earn yourself a reputation as someone who always returns things damaged or in worse condition (and especially without at least offering to fix it or pay for repairs or just buying them a new one) then you will find that eventually it’s much harder to get anyone to loan you anything.

Also bring it back in a timely manner. Even if you return it in the same or better condition, if you borrow someone’s chainsaw for five years that’s rude.

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dailymanners:

It’s Off Topic Tuesday again already, and this week I think I want to talk about something that my followers might find interesting: the naming system in Iceland.

Iceland has a really unique naming system in the sense that we don’t have “family names” here, we use something called patronyms. So let’s say your father’s name is Jón, that means that if you’re a girl your last name will be Jónsdóttir (daughter of Jón) or if you’re a boy your last name will be Jónsson (son of Jón).

So again, we don’t use “family names” here that get passed down from generation to generation, every last name is a unique personal title that speaks of your parentage. Although there are some exceptions, a few Icelanders do have “family names” but this is rare, since back in the day when Iceland was still a Danish colony / shortly after being liberated from Denmark some upper class people would have Danish family names as a sign of social status, but that’s also been dying out the longer Iceland is no longer a Danish colony. You’ll also see that in the older generations they’ll use Danish words since that used to be a sign of class, but the younger generation doesn’t really do that anymore (instead the younger generation uses a lot of English words since now that’s the cool trendy thing to do).

This has been known to sometimes cause problems when Icelandic families travel abroad. Let’s say you have a family of four: a mom, a dad, a daughter, and a son. Everyone in this family would have a different last name, and this has been known to confuse customs agents abroad. Sometimes they even suspect trafficking when both kids have a different last name that doesn’t match either parent. Luckily this is rare, but it’s still recommended for Icelandic parents to carry birth certificates when traveling abroad, just in case.

Now you might be wondering, what about kids who don’t have a dad? We do also sometimes use matronyms here, although they’re much rarer to use than patronyms. Probably at least 90% of the Icelandic population uses a patronym, but of course there are lesbian couples who have children, or cases where the father isn’t in the picture.

I did also have a teacher who talked about how back in the olden days it was traditional in fishing villages to use matronyms instead of patronyms. That’s because usually the father was gone out at sea for months at a time + deaths by drowning were so common for fisherman that the women could become widowed at a moment’s notice, so this resulted in the fisherman’s wives being quite independent and often using matronyms for their children.

The same teacher also once said “back in the old days if you had a matronym this meant your father was a bad man, but today it could just mean that your parents are feminists.” Because yes, matronyms have also been growing in popularity the past few decades for feminist reasons, even if the father is still present and in the picture. What’s most common in progressive / feminist couples though is using both a matronym and a patronym. So let’s say your mother’s name is Sigrún and your father’s name is Jón, if your parents wanted to be progressive they might give you the last name “Sigrúnardóttir Jónsdóttir” or “Sigrúnarson Jósson.”

However, Iceland still has its fair share of staunch traditionalists who don’t like it if you use a matronym unless absolutely necessary (like the father not being in the picture) because patronyms are more “traditional” and “true to Icelandic culture”. I do know at least one woman who her and her husband gave their kids both a matronym and a patronym to be progressive / feminist, and she’s said that this made a lot of her extended family and in-laws angry for “desecrating Icelandic culture and tradition” instead of just using a patronym. I’m hoping this attitude changes with time, since I see no reason not to equally credit the mother when it comes to naming a child.

Now the thing about Iceland’s naming traditions is that it may be unique now, but actually thousands of years ago this wasn’t so unique. You might be familiar with English last names like “Jackson” or “Johnson”, and that’s because in other parts of Europe last names were also personal titles, not a family name passed down through generations. That’s also why you have English family names like “Smith” or “Weaver” because having a last name as your personal title could have either referenced your parentage, or your profession, or any number of things really.

At some point most of the rest of Europe switched to family names that get passed down through the generations, and this was for the sake of making record keeping easier. Iceland was just one of the few holdouts and never really made the switch. Maybe it’s because Iceland is so far away from the rest of Europe that it was forgotten when the change was implemented, or maybe it’s because the population here is small enough that you can still easily keep record without having to use family names.

Either way, Iceland is one of the few places to have preserved a much older and more ancient naming tradition.

This can be quickly tied into the theme of my blog actually, because this means we don’t use terms like “Mister” or “Misses” even in highly formal situations. Even if you’re a doctor or a teacher you are referred to by your first name, since your last name is just a personal title which says who your parents are.

Something I forgot to mention, but probably goes without saying, is that there is obviously no culture of changing your last name when you get married in Iceland. Regardless of marital status, you are still the daughter of Jón or Sigrún or whoever, so why change that when you get married?

I have encountered quite a few women of foreign origin living in Iceland, who are married to an Icelandic man, and still insisted on taking his last name when they got married. I’m not going to police anyone’s decision on their last name or say that someone’s not allowed to do that. However, I won’t lie, it does weird me out a little bit. It feels like you’re saying you’re now your husband’s brother :/

Another thing I forgot to mention, RE: the staunch traditionalists who will give parents crap for using a matronym because it’s not “true to Icelandic culture”.

The thing about that is, back during Iceland’s settlement period (which you might call the viking days or old Norse society) it wasn’t all that uncommon if a child’s mother was from a more important family, or had a higher social class than the father, to give the children matronyms instead.

A famous example of this is Loki, the figure from Norse mythology. You may or may not know this but Loki was frequently referred to as Laufeyjarson, and Laufey is a woman’s name. That’s because Loki’s father was a giant (jötunn) named Fárbauti, while his mother was the goddess Laufey. Obviously a goddess is going to be of higher social standing and greater importance than a giant, so Loki was often referred to by a matronym.

I am tempted to say that this is a case of social progress not necessarily being a steady march forward. However, it’s not necessarily progressive, it just means that during this time period class power dynamics took precedent over patriarchy in some cases, like naming conventions. However, at some point in the past millennia, patriarchy took precedent over class power dynamics, at least in regard to naming conventions.

Nowadays of course if someone has a matronym it has nothing to do with the parents’ class / social standing, and is instead going to be because of one of the reasons discussed in the original post (lesbian parents / father not in the picture / parents just trying to be progressive)

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It’s Off Topic Tuesday again already, and this week I think I want to talk about something that my followers might find interesting: the naming system in Iceland.

Iceland has a really unique naming system in the sense that we don’t have “family names” here, we use something called patronyms. So let’s say your father’s name is Jón, that means that if you’re a girl your last name will be Jónsdóttir (daughter of Jón) or if you’re a boy your last name will be Jónsson (son of Jón).

So again, we don’t use “family names” here that get passed down from generation to generation, every last name is a unique personal title that speaks of your parentage. Although there are some exceptions, a few Icelanders do have “family names” but this is rare, since back in the day when Iceland was still a Danish colony / shortly after being liberated from Denmark some upper class people would have Danish family names as a sign of social status, but that’s also been dying out the longer Iceland is no longer a Danish colony. You’ll also see that in the older generations they’ll use Danish words since that used to be a sign of class, but the younger generation doesn’t really do that anymore (instead the younger generation uses a lot of English words since now that’s the cool trendy thing to do).

This has been known to sometimes cause problems when Icelandic families travel abroad. Let’s say you have a family of four: a mom, a dad, a daughter, and a son. Everyone in this family would have a different last name, and this has been known to confuse customs agents abroad. Sometimes they even suspect trafficking when both kids have a different last name that doesn’t match either parent. Luckily this is rare, but it’s still recommended for Icelandic parents to carry birth certificates when traveling abroad, just in case.

Now you might be wondering, what about kids who don’t have a dad? We do also sometimes use matronyms here, although they’re much rarer to use than patronyms. Probably at least 90% of the Icelandic population uses a patronym, but of course there are lesbian couples who have children, or cases where the father isn’t in the picture.

I did also have a teacher who talked about how back in the olden days it was traditional in fishing villages to use matronyms instead of patronyms. That’s because usually the father was gone out at sea for months at a time + deaths by drowning were so common for fisherman that the women could become widowed at a moment’s notice, so this resulted in the fisherman’s wives being quite independent and often using matronyms for their children.

The same teacher also once said “back in the old days if you had a matronym this meant your father was a bad man, but today it could just mean that your parents are feminists.” Because yes, matronyms have also been growing in popularity the past few decades for feminist reasons, even if the father is still present and in the picture. What’s most common in progressive / feminist couples though is using both a matronym and a patronym. So let’s say your mother’s name is Sigrún and your father’s name is Jón, if your parents wanted to be progressive they might give you the last name “Sigrúnardóttir Jónsdóttir” or “Sigrúnarson Jósson.”

However, Iceland still has its fair share of staunch traditionalists who don’t like it if you use a matronym unless absolutely necessary (like the father not being in the picture) because patronyms are more “traditional” and “true to Icelandic culture”. I do know at least one woman who her and her husband gave their kids both a matronym and a patronym to be progressive / feminist, and she’s said that this made a lot of her extended family and in-laws angry for “desecrating Icelandic culture and tradition” instead of just using a patronym. I’m hoping this attitude changes with time, since I see no reason not to equally credit the mother when it comes to naming a child.

Now the thing about Iceland’s naming traditions is that it may be unique now, but actually thousands of years ago this wasn’t so unique. You might be familiar with English last names like “Jackson” or “Johnson”, and that’s because in other parts of Europe last names were also personal titles, not a family name passed down through generations. That’s also why you have English family names like “Smith” or “Weaver” because having a last name as your personal title could have either referenced your parentage, or your profession, or any number of things really.

At some point most of the rest of Europe switched to family names that get passed down through the generations, and this was for the sake of making record keeping easier. Iceland was just one of the few holdouts and never really made the switch. Maybe it’s because Iceland is so far away from the rest of Europe that it was forgotten when the change was implemented, or maybe it’s because the population here is small enough that you can still easily keep record without having to use family names.

Either way, Iceland is one of the few places to have preserved a much older and more ancient naming tradition.

This can be quickly tied into the theme of my blog actually, because this means we don’t use terms like “Mister” or “Misses” even in highly formal situations. Even if you’re a doctor or a teacher you are referred to by your first name, since your last name is just a personal title which says who your parents are.

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dailymanners:

When borrowing something from someone, always return it in the same condition, or in better condition, than when it was lent to you. If any damages happen to it while it’s in your possession, offer to make it up to them in some way either by fixing it yourself, paying to have it fixed, or buying them a new one.

Even if you didn’t damage it intentionally or the damage happened via an accident, when you are borrowing someone from someone you still have responsibility over it, and therefor should still own up to it and offer to fix it / pay for repair / buy them a new one.

Besides, people are more likely to trust you and want to lend things to you again if you’re known for returning borrowed things in the same, or even better condition as they were when lent to you. If, however, you earn yourself a reputation as someone who always returns things damaged or in worse condition (and especially without at least offering to fix it or pay for repairs or just buying them a new one) then you will find that eventually it’s much harder to get anyone to loan you anything.

Brad Larsen's Story

Tue, Jun. 10th, 2025 10:00
[syndicated profile] my_unsung_hero_feed

The last place Brad saw his mom before she died was at a diner in New York. A few years later, when he went back to that diner, the bartender asked if he remembered their table, and invited him to go sit there.

Do you have your own story of an unsung hero? We'd love to hear it! Record a voice memo and email it to us at myunsunghero@hiddenbrain.org

Some guidance:

--Focus on ONE moment that you will never forget. 

--Make sure you're in a quiet, non-echoey room.

--Speak conversationally, like you're talking to a friend.

--Let us know why this person continues to impact your life.

--If your hero were standing in front of you today, what would you say? Address them directly.

Beta edit preps: COMPLETE

Tue, Jun. 10th, 2025 09:31
vriddy: Studious, smiling Eri (studious)
[personal profile] vriddy

...Just the preps, I haven't started on the actual edits yet XD But I have a roadmap and an extensive list of actionable steps, and I'm glad I do. Working offline using Pomodoro, like I mentioned the other day was super effective.

A disadvantage, I suppose, is that I can't have conversations back-and-forth in GoogleDoc comments, which is something I dearly enjoy doing with fanfic (either as beta-reader or beta-readee!). I think maybe it's just too much, on a turnaround of 40k words at once. Also because I needed to let it rest, folks might not be so interested in a reply 6 months later on a reaction they don't remember having about a story they fuzzily recall 😅 Having said that, I did write to folks after chopping their feedback into the roadmap, to thank them again and share a general reaction to their reactions :D

Stuff to ponder )

It took me 17h41 to go through all 7 beta-readers' feedback. (Thanks again everyone for offering, I am so grateful :D). I'm going to have a brief interlude now (well, brief is the plan XD). Ideally, I'd like to use that time to write something original but SHORTER so I can bask in the self-indulgence of inventing fun worldbuilding, which I loooove doing. But on the other hand, Wind Breaker Volume 22 just came out and drove me insane with the OT5 vibes so I may have to write something for that instead XD

I 100% intend to break down the work and take regular breaks when I start actually following the roadmap, if only to make the structural changes then giving it a bit of space so I can make sure the major changes didn't break something else important. I expect overall it'll likely take longer than the 17h41 prep time, so I better pace myself! I think I should learn very interesting things throughout the process. I'm already thinking about what to be careful about in the Soul Thief story, when I get back to it.

the patterns i've carved

Tue, Jun. 10th, 2025 05:42
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Posted by Clare_Hope

by

After getting shot in DC, Eliot could ditch Parker and Hardison and find somewhere to hole up and recover on his own for a while like he's used to doing. Instead, he tosses aside a crutch and accepts a bit of help. He gets a little more than he bargained for.

Words: 7170, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

2025's Summer of the 69 is now open!

Mon, Jun. 9th, 2025 21:48
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A photo of a sunny summer day; text reads, "Summer of the 69"


Community: [community profile] summerofthe69

Event Description: Summer of the 69 is an event focused on creative works about the sexual position, open to all fandoms and to original works, and to all types of creations. Participation is through two means: A comment meme where users can leave and fill prompts, and themes posted weekly to get creative juices flowing.

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A Second Encounter

Mon, Jun. 9th, 2025 20:37
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Posted by WhenICantWrite

by

Doctor Jill Steinman was pacing, waiting on the arrival of the victims of yet another multiple vehicle accident. The ambulances had not yet started arriving and the emergency department was filled with staff preparing for the onslaught. As one of the head surgeons, the doctor was directing her group to take a moment to breathe, to let family know they'd be working late. Again.

"Help! Over here! She needs help!"

A quick glance at the patient's face stirred a memory. Did she know this woman?

Words: 4112, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

sunnymodffa: original artwork by Adam Mazur (Victorian raptor)
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dailymanners:

So, apropos of nothing in particular, let’s say you wish to communicate privately with someone you’ve not communicated with privately before, for whatever reason you might have. And, wanting to stand out from the crowd, you decide to try to be clever about it, because, hey, you are a clever person, and as far as you know, people seem to like that about you. So you write your clever bit and send it off, safe in the knowledge of your cleverosity, and confident that your various cleverations will make the impression you want to make on the intended cleveree.
Two things here.
1. The effectiveness of clever on other people is highly contingent on outside factors, over which you have no control and of which you may not have any knowledge; i.e., just because you intended to be clever doesn’t mean you will be perceived as clever, for all sorts of reasons.
2. The failure mode of clever is “asshole.”
Allow me to offer a suggestion. If you are privately communicating with someone for the first time, as a general rule, the best course of action is to be polite and to the point. This is particularly the case if the reason you’re communicating with that person is because you are hoping to get them to do something for you, i.e., you’re asking for the favor of their time and attention and even possibly their money. That is not a situation in which you want to risk the failure mode of clever.
This is not to say that your cleverness should not eventually come out in your private communication; there’s a time for it, and usually that time is after you’ve established enough rapport with the other person that you know their receptiveness to cleverness in general, and your brand of it in particular. It’s “third date” material, as it were, not “first date.”
Indeed, the most clever thing you can do with your cleverness is to know when is the right time to use it. When in doubt, don’t. And if you’re not in doubt, ask yourself if you should be, especially if you’re communicating privately with someone for the first time. It’s just a suggestion.

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dailymanners:

dailymanners:

dailymanners:

dailymanners:

After years of meaning to read it but never seeming to have the time, I finally started reading “How To Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. I’ve been told by countless people that this book is the ultimate handbook on how to talk to and deal with people.

I’m not far in, but so far it’s been pretty interesting and insightful. This book is almost 100 years old but so far everything I’ve read seems to still hold up today.

I’ve had a few people message me asking about more resources on how to improve their social skills. There’s always r/etiquette (I don’t even have a reddit but I find myself lurking) but, if you’re looking to read something to help brush up on your social skills, I can so far recommend “How To Wind Friends and Influence People”

Although, take my recommendation with a grain of salt because I haven’t finished it yet. But I tried looking up if there was any criticism for it and had a hard time finding any. It is slightly more focused on social skills for a business setting, but honestly those skills can transfer to just about any social setting. (such as presenting your views and opinions to people in a way that doesn’t make people feel attacked, and generally making people feel comfortable and at ease around you)

If there was one book I would suggest to everyone on here, Twitter (or X or whatever) and everywhere else on the internet where people lash out at strangers for no reason, it would be this book.

Because one concept it keeps returning to is that people do not like people who lash out at them, people who criticize them, people who scold them. People also do not listen to people who lash out at them, criticize them, and scold them. If you want people to like you, and people to actually listen to you, you should start by not doing that.

@2ndgengeek thank you, gonna go ahead and add this to my to-read list :) also as an FYI for any of my followers looking for more sources on manners / etiquette / social skills

@connanro also adding this to my reading list (and reccs for books on manners to my followers), thank you!

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oddblonde21:

dailymanners:

courtkossai:

dailymanners:

I’ve gotten a few notes on a few different posts where someone in the tags brags about intentionally “body checking” someone else when they’re in their way.

For example on a post I made about leaving the way clear for people exiting elevators or public transportation instead of standing right in front of the door blocking it I got a few notes from people saying “haha yeah I always give someone a good body check if they do this and I love seeing the shocked and offended look on their face”

or on a post about leaving room for the flow of traffic I had people in the notes bragging about giving “body checks” to people in their way on a sidewalk or in a hallway.

Do. Not. Ever. Ever. EVER intentionally bump into people aka give them a “body check”. Anyone who brags about this kind of behavior in my notes is getting blocked. You are literally physically assaulting someone and then bragging about it. Physically assaulting another person is actually a lot worse than accidentally being in someone’s way, and I have no tolerance for it.

The times in my life where someone has intentionally “body checked” me have been when I was disassociating and/or about to pass out from low blood sugar, or quite literally was as far off to the side as possible (literally up against a wall or packed up against other people in a crowded area) and every time this has happened it has ended in me having a full blown panic attack that I need to take emergency meds to come down from due to my PTSD.

You never know why someone could be in your way. They could be visually impaired. They could be disassociating. They could be about to pass out from low blood sugar. They maybe just experienced a disturbing or traumatic event that’s shut down their pre-frontal cortext. All sorts of things. So congrats I guess on physically assaulting someone who might be disabled or disassociating or about to faint from low blood sugar. You sure are showing them.

Not only that, but it’s unsafe for you too. There are violent and unstable people in this world, and you might “body check” the wrong person one day. I had a friend in secondary school who would brag about this kind of behavior, and when I was talking to my aunt about it one day she said to me “one day your friend is going to do that to the wrong person and find herself cleaning herself up off the floor.”

And if you’re only “body checking” people you think it’s “safe” to, people who you’re pretty sure won’t be able to fight back? People smaller and weaker looking than you? Congrats, not only are you definitely a bully then, but you’re also perpetuating systems of social injustices in this world like ageism and ableism by only going after “the weak”.

can also see how this could be dangerous to rollator users . and yes , easy enough to think oh , would never do this to someone with mobility aids - but truth is will not necessarily always see mobility aids before snap decisions like this .

weight of rollator will depend on several factors , but 7 to 9 kg seem like fairly average guess . rollator users , naturally , can weigh 10 or ( many ) more times that . if balance of rollator user is thrown off , that rollator can easily glide ahead . given purpose as mobility aid , very likely for user to have at least one hand on rollator - which means that person will follow , and fall , and possibly get very hurt . this is true even with brakes on - brakes mean very little against full weight of person .

even one small snap decision can seriously hurt someone .

Really important point. When the doors for an elevator or public transportation open, and you see someone standing what you deem too close to the door, you really do only have a second or two to decide between a) saying excuse me or asking them to move b) just squeezing around them if you’re really in a hurry and have no time to ask them to move or c) giving them a “body check” to punish them for being in your way.

And yes, you are 100% correct, in the second or two you have to decide between those options, you might not notice a mobility aid, and if you go for option c for a mobility aid user you can seriously hurt them.

Also, not everyone who is physically disabled and at serious risk of being hurt from a “body check” uses a mobility aid. My mom really should be using a mobility aid, she has vertigo so badly she sometimes has to old onto my arm if we go anywhere together in public, and she has really bad arthritis in her feet that make it harder for her to walk at quicker than a shuffling pace. And yet because of her not wanting to look “too old” she refuses to use mobility aids, and insists on running errands by herself on days her vertigo isn’t “too bad”. But if someone were to get annoyed with my mother, who moves extremely slowly and often wobbles from side to side, and they decide to give her a “body check” due to their impatience, they could seriously hurt her.

Also, my mom often uses accessories like wigs to try to hide her age, so even though she’s pushing 70, when she’s wearing a wig it’s not always obvious. So if you think “Well, I would never do that to an old person” it’s not always obvious, some people don’t look their age and/or are good at hiding their age.

Hey guys did you know “pushed somebody and they fell and hit their head” is like. One of the most common forms of manslaughter?

mano sem ofensa mas mais um dia que eu agradeço por não morar nos eua#imagina ser uma prática comum e socialmente aceita vc só sair empurrando qualquer pessoa que vc ve pela frente#que gente cuzona pqp#aqui a gente só ultrapassa a pessoa quando dá#e depois falam que nós que não somos civilizados#se alguém sair empurrando gente por ai no brasil no minimo vai ser taxado de mal educado (e com razão)#no maximo vai apanhar de alguém com menos paciencia e dai vai chegar atrasado do mesmo jeito

@caderno-do-tedio

Engin móðgun en af ​​hverju gerirðu ráð fyrir að ég sé Bandaríkjamaður eða að þetta snúist um Bandaríkin??? Þetta gerist alltaf hjá mér á götum Reykjavíkur. Ég hef líka upplifað þetta í Berlín og París. Ég er aftur ruglaður af hverju þú hélt að þetta væri um Bandaríkin? Í færslunni er ekki einu sinni minnst á Bandaríkin??

Doppelganger

Sun, Jun. 8th, 2025 02:57
[syndicated profile] thelibrarianstv_ao3_feed

Posted by ziazippy5379

by

Ezekiel is worried that Eve isn't their Eve.

Words: 200, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 17 of Fortune Wheel 2025, Part 15 of Multifandom Double Drabbles

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