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thebiballerinaI saw this great post over on Tumblr which started with a poll on how "hard" of a kink strangulation is. I was rather surprised at how many people considered something an "entry-level" kink when it is fundamentally impossible to do safely or even just without the risk of death, and usually illegal as well. Now, I have had the dangers of strangulation emphasized to me professionally, so maybe I am just more aware of it than most. Luckily some other rebloggers were on top of things and communicated that information in a way I felt was clear and nonjudgmental. They emphasized that there being no safe way to engage in the kink doesn't make it morally wrong, but rather something that should not be done without a serious understanding of the dangers for all involved.
After reblogging the post when it came across my dash, I happened to see a New York Times article on the topic on my own kitchen table, not ten minutes later. So I went back to the post, and was happy to find that someone else in the notes had already linked it. The article is really worth a read, especially if you are a teen or young adult, a parent to a teen or young adult, or someone with an interest in comprehensive sex education. Here is that version of the Tumblr post. The text of that post is also under the cut.
Is choking kinky?
- Not kinky, very vanilla
- That's just rough sex, not kinky
- Gateway/entry level kink
- Average level of kink
- Hard kink
- Secret other option
We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.
chiisana-sukima:
Reblogging for the very high percentage of people here who haven't received adequate sex education. No shame--this included me until a few years ago, I've participated many times myself, and I'm a nurse.
Choking is always edgeplay (i.e very risky). There is no safe way to choke someone. Even light pressure is not safe.
There is a nerve in the neck whose function is to lower heart rate. If you accidentally stimulate this nerve, it's possible to lower the heart rate to zero very quickly. This can result in sudden cardiac death in seconds. Sometimes symptoms can be minimal and they unfortunately also mimic the symptoms of low oxygenation, which are the sensations you're trying to provoke.
Also, if your partner has cholesterol buildup in the major artery leading to the brain--which there is no way to know except an angiogram--small chunks of cholesterol can break off, travel to the brain, and result in stroke. This too can initially cause minor symptoms the partner may not notice until it's too late to reverse the process.
Breathplay is no kidding my very favorite kink in the world, and I hated giving it up, but please think very, very seriously. This is a Risk Aware Consensual Kink activity, not a safe, sane, consensual one.
Adding my knowledge from the domestic violence realm, because this is a really big deal:
Having your partner wrap their hands around your throat (strangulation) is both imminently dangerous, potentially dangerous for days afterward, and unless it's something you've specifically asked them to do to you, can be a huge warning sign that you should be worried about their willingness to use violence against you.
A lot of people think the big issue is that strangulation compresses the trachea and hinders breathing. That's a thing, but what's even more dangerous is the compression of the blood vessels in your neck, which can directly cut off blood flow to your brain.
Even after the strangulation is over, there are potential lasting effects—brain damage, memory loss, and confusion, which often make strangulation victims very poor reporters of their own level of injury, which means that if, say, police show up following a fight, the victim might honestly say that they don't think they were hurt very much and they feel fine.
About half the time they will have very small visible symptoms, like bruises on their neck, a raspiness to their voice, very small red specks on the skin of their neck or face, or burst vessels in their eyes. Half the time they won't.
Which is not always a great way to tell which of them, in the days afterwards, will have a blood clot travel into their brain and cause a stroke, or will experience seizures and memory issues over the next several months or years. Those things might not be spotted without specialized medical attention and tests. If you've ever been strangled, tell a doctor; it may still be putting you at medical risk.
And aside from the medical risks, there are indicators that someone who has survived being strangled by an intimate partner is at a much higher risk of being a homicide victim. That basically, the willingness to strangle as an act of aggression can signal that they are more willing and able to actually kill you.
Yep. Strangulation is the #1 lethality indicator in an abusive relationship. People who report being strangled by their partners are 11X more likely to murdered than people who do not. That's because once an abusive person feels comfortable doing this behavior, they'll keep doing it but the damage is cumulative. The risk is not stable. The risk gets higher every time.
People often think that they must be strangled to unconsciousness for it to be dangerous, but any amount of grabbing or pressure applied to the neck or throat carries these vascular and neurological risks. That's why I want to highlight the language @star-anise is using again: It's any amount of having someone wrap their hands around your throat that carries these risks. It's any amount of pressure applied to the throat or neck with any object.
So back to a kink context: Being fully Risk Aware about breathplay means understanding that not only are there short and long term risks, but also that the risk carries over and builds up each time you do it.
The New York Times just posted a chilling article about this.
I was initially startled in early 2020 when, during a post-talk Q. and A. at an independent high school, a 16-year-old girl asked, “How come boys all want to choke you?” In a different class, a 15-year-old boy wanted to know, “Why do girls all want to be choked?” They do? Not long after, a college sophomore (and longtime interview subject) contacted me after her roommate came home in tears because a hookup partner, without warning, had put both hands on her throat and squeezed... Another sophomore confided that she enjoyed being choked by her boyfriend, though it was important for a partner to be “properly educated” — pressing on the sides of the neck, for example, rather than the trachea. (Note: There is no safe way to strangle someone.)
...
In M.R.I.s conducted by Dr. Kawata and his colleagues (including Dr. Herbenick, who is a co-author of his papers on strangulation), undergraduate women who have been repeatedly choked show a reduction in cortical folding in the brain compared with a never-choked control group. They also showed widespread cortical thickening, an inflammation response that is associated with elevated risk of later-onset mental illness. In completing simple memory tasks, their brains had to work far harder than the control group, recruiting from more regions to achieve the same level of accuracy.Thank you to the above reblogger for the (non-paywalled) link to the New York Times article. I'm adding a plain text version of the link to the article, because for some reason the redirect on mobile seems to interfere with the gift article function, so you can copy-paste this if that happens to you too: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/12/opinion/choking-teen-sex-brain-damage.html?unlocked_article_code=1.k00.O_kL.bIHRZpm2g9sz&smid=url-share
Note: Most of the information in this post is good. However, I cannot find any sources for the specific figure
Here's the version of the thread I reblogged first, with another resource on breathplay from a BDSM club, along with further discussion of what separates the consensual (though still unsafe) kink from abusive behavior. It branches off after star-anise's addition, so I will only include those additional parts under the cut.
There is nothing morally wrong with being into choking its just a genuinely dangerous thing to do and people should be aware of that.
Also! If u want the power dynamic vibes of grabbing ur partners neck without the danger of accidentally killing them may i suggest pinning them at their jaw bone. Make an L with ur hand and put ur hand under their chin and press upwards. ONLY APPLYING PRESSURE OVER THE BONE, which will prevent u from compressing someone’s airway and blood vessels (cuz they are protected by the jaw bone)
Stay safe out there babes ❤️
Thiiis. There are safe ways to practice kink, and being kinky isn't the same as being abusive.
It's true that a lot of abusers use the vocabulary of kink to justify hurting people, but it's like how a lot of health grifters use the language of science to scam people with dangerous or ineffective medicine. Some people spouting bullshit doesn't mean that valid science, or risk-aware consensual kink, doesn't actually exist.
It is NOT safe or consensual to choke, smother, or suffocate someone without talking about it first, making sure you both understand the risks and what is more or less dangerous, making sure you're both into it, and having some way to communicate "no, stop" that works and will be respected even when one partner (as is often the case here) cannot form audible language.
(Edited to add: People in the notes are like "Even only 30 seconds is dangerous!" and sorry loves, it's worse than that. You can completely pass out within the first 10 seconds. There's literally no amount of breathplay that isn't hazardous.)
Anyone who tries to choke, strangle, or smother another person without this kind of willing and informed consent risks grievous harm or death to that person, severe legal penalties to themselves, and whether through ignorance or outright malice, is a dangerous person who merits every effort to stop or get away from.
This is true whether you are a man, a woman, trans, cis, gay, or straight. It matters whether the other person is a lover, a parent, a stranger, a friend, or an enemy. If you feel afraid or unable to keep yourself safe, please reach out to a domestic violence organization or, if you're a minor, a child help line for emotional support, danger assessment, advocacy on your behalf, and help figuring out how to find safety.
Opinion | The Troubling Trend in Teenage Sex
Choking has moved from porn to pop culture to the dorm room. And the consequences for young women could be very serious.
nytimes.comGood New York Times article on the topic.
There is also another branch of the thread (archive link), also branching off after star-anise's addition, which I thought emphasized just how prevalent misinformation about "safe" strangulation methods is. No offense or judgment is intended to the person who stated the misconception; I just wanted to emphasize my response to it.
This is why if you get your partner to choke you, ask them to just squeeze the sides of your neck and keep the pressure on your windpipe minimal. You still get the experience of choking without actually getting choked.
No, that is not true. That is still dangerous and is still strangulation. I am going to re-emphasize a portion of the reblog commentary by
A lot of people think the big issue is that strangulation compresses the trachea and hinders breathing. That's a thing, but what's even more dangerous is the compression of the blood vessels in your neck, which can directly cut off blood flow to your brain.The reblog thread from
Another sophomore confided that she enjoyed being choked by her boyfriend, though it was important for a partner to be “properly educated” — pressing on the sides of the neck, for example, rather than the trachea. (Note: There is no safe way to strangle someone.)Your intentions with that advice may have been good, but this is the exact kind of misinformation being discussed here.
(Plain text link to the NYT article, with no paywall thanks to the person who shared it: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/12/opinion/choking-teen-sex-brain-damage.html?unlocked_article_code=1.k00.O_kL.bIHRZpm2g9sz&smid=url-share )
This is all really important information, and given the rising prevalence of "choking" (which is actually strangulation) in sex between people unaware of the full risks, I wanted to share it as many places I could think of. I can't tell anyone what to do with your life, but you should base your decisions on accurate knowledge, and know the potential consequences. In this case, that includes death, with the additional possibility of the partner being convicted of the crime.
I've seen some increased awareness of the risks of "nonlethal" methods in recent years, but mostly only in the context of discussions on police brutality and practices in carceral institutions. Those are both extremely important manifestations of this issue, but I am consistently surprised by people who I know have had those discussions downplaying the risks of those methods in other contexts. There are of course differences in how we discuss these things socially and politically, but in terms of the danger, your body will not know the difference. The legal system may not differentiate either.
Feel free to share this information elsewhere. If you are on Mastodon, you can also share this by boosting my post here.
